Happy a bit, smile more, and you'll be good

Just back from Ipoh, took a bath, took my dinner. Now, let me rest for awhile before I start doing my assignment.

In Ipoh, I bought six egg tarts, thinking of taking to school tomorrow and share with my lovely friends.

Hyin, be more positive oo~~ Anything unhappy, say out la, don't hide in your heart. Gambateh!!

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Oops, what is the time now? 1.01a.m.!!! My mum is yelling at me, its late now, why are you still not on your bed?

Just completed my journal, a lousy journal. All because of this journal, cause me awake in the middle of the night.

Okay, its really late now, bed time...

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How do I gonna finish my journal? All my information is in my desktop but my desktop got virus, now in computer shop repairing.

The journal, Ms. Choy said she want it tomorrow. How? No information how to do journal?

Hope that Ms.Choy won't call me to present mine tomorrow. But tomorrow 2 English period, oh my god!!!

Die, going to die...

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Assignment, assignment, assignment. The first day of schooling then so many assignments.

Why all the teachers only concentrate on their own subject? Why they don't know that this will make students suffer? Although doing homework will improve our study skills, but don't forget, too many of them will kill us too.

Well, I better start doing my assignments now. I still have alot of thing waiting for me to do.

Study Biology...
Do Maths and Add Maths revision book...

All waiting for me.

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Today, the last day of the school holiday.

Just back from Matang, I ate my dinner there with my parents and parent's friend. I ate 6 prawns, long time didn't eat so much prawn already.

Okay, after my parent's friend go back to Butterworth, I'll go and take my bath first then try to do my abit of my revision.

Today's blog, just let it be short and simple.

Bye, Mr.Holiday...

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Haiz, holiday is ending. May I own a time machine? I want to return to the first day of school holiday.

This holiday, didn't do much revision, didn't do much homework but play alot, crazy alot =.=

Today, I must finish my essay, finish my Add Maths chapter 3, finish my Sejarah bab 7.

Today's assignment not much, so please finish these before the day ends.

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Just back from Hyin's house and straight away went to bathroom to take a bath.

Today has only one tuition, but I feel very tired too due to the sickness like headache, running nose and so on.

Now, better go to bed immediately. Because I think if I don't go to bed now, I surely can't wake up tomorrow and my gastric will definitely kill me again...

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Sneezing for the whole morning, what happen actually? Whatever, it will pull through later.

After wiping the windows, I got a headache and now, still paining. When will this pain leave my head? I have no idea.

What happen to me actually? All kinds of sickness love to visit me. Stomach pain, itchyness, headache, running nose and so on. What next?

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Finally I completed my Add Maths. I used a long time to finish it.

I think I have to train myself more. I need to train my speed while doing Add Maths. Add Maths need to do quickly, if not during exam, I can't finish the paper again. Haiz...

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I spent 3 hours outside just now, I purpose to study that time, but I went out with my parents (parents ask me to, not I want to go out).

Before going out, I do really have alittle of mood to study, but the mood dissapear right after parents said that we wanna go out. Well, I know that, I gonna waste my time again.

My lunch, a plate of nasi lemak and a cup of barli. Nasi lemak, quite spicy, but I ate them too. My mum says, can you eat that? Its quite spicy. I just reply, nevermind la, just eat it, as long as there are toilet around.

Stomach pain, no big deal! Rushing to toilet is now apart of my daily activities. As long as there are toilet around, is okay for everything.

Now, I think I have to start doing my assignment now, although I hate that.

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Today is Wednesday, just a few more days before school reopen and I didn't even touch any of my assignments.

Just give myself one more hour, after the hour end, my happy hour is over. Is time to study, is time to do assignment, is time to do revision, although I really don't like and don't have the mood to do it.

How to let me do the thing that I don't really want to do? Use force la, no other choices. Happy hour is really ending, don't think back what you did yesterday, what you did before. Just stop thinking everything and do the thing that you surpose to do.

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Just one and the half hour to go before 22th of September arrive. What day is tomorrow? 22th of September? My birthday? Is it true? Why don't I feel the happiness of welcoming the arrival of my 16th birthday?

Yin, sorry. I know I promised you before that I'll be more positive, but I still can't make it. My brain is crushing me. I can't stop thinking all the negative thing. They are always in my mind, can't get rid off them. Failed to complete that mission.

Itchy itchy itchy, my body is always itchy. And now, I need tablets and cream to get rid off the itchyness. Hate that, really hate that. Can't you just leave me alone? Itchyness, stomach ache, really making me crazy. Suffer!!!!!!!

Parents are complaining about me again. My mom said that I always work for the school, didn't help to do housework. Do you really think that I want to work for the school? The school problem is another matter that made me crazy. She also said that I always sms, always sleep, always do other thing. Always sms? Are you sure? I'm always finding a friend to talk to but not a single one that I manage to find.

As other says, if both of the parent have the same sur name, the children of theirs will be a stupid children. My brother, my sister, they are smart, unlike me, the stupid one, the idiot one. Black sheep, am I the black sheep in my family? Always get scolded my parents. Stupid thing.

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Stomach pain again, hate that. This made my mood really down.

Stomach pain? So what.

Stomach pain still have to go to Kar Ling house and practice.
Stamach pain still have to get scolded.
Stomach pain still have to study.
Stomach pain still have to face the cruel life.

I'm thinking, what is the motif for my arrival 16 years ago...

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Yesterday, I spend my whole day in Hyin's house. My parents went to Kuala Lumpur and I have to go to school in the next day (today). So, I stayed in her house for a night.

When Hyin when to her Physics tuition, it was too boring to stay at home. So, I decided to walk to Salty Min's house to pay a visit. Her house is really big and nice. One more thing, my auntie's house is just beside her house. I don't even know this until the moment I reached her house.

At 6 o'clock, I walked back to Hyin's house. Is raining that time, Salty Min forced me to take her umbrella home. I took the umbrella although I really don't want to take it. I want to walk under the rain to wash away all the mist in my head. So, I closed the umbrella in the next minute after I turned a corner.

Hyin's is backed now, and the rain stops too, so we decided to give the umbrella back to Salty Min. Hyin drove her Pinku there and I walked to there again. After returning the umbrella, Hyin drove her Pinku around and I she asked me to walk back to her house immediately. Although I really want to walk longer, but to prevent her from worrying, I just walk back to her house but in a slower movement.

Dinner time!!! Talking about yesterday's dinner, this is the time I ate the whole big piece of tomato and a big mushroom. Tomato, taste not bad, but the mushroom, it doesn't really suit my taste. After saying the sentence ' I don't take vegetable', Hyin immediately grab a piece of vegie and put on my plate. Haiz... But is okay, since you had grabbed for me, I'll just eat it..^^

Around ten o'clock, finally I took my bath (if my mum knows this, she will definitely kill me). This is the time I normally go to bed, but yesterday is different. In this time, I'm on my bed, but not sleeping, is chatting. Hyin and I chat for about three and the half hours. What a long journey. I broke my record again, about 1.30a.m., then I only close my eyes and try to fall asleep.

This conversation between Hyin and I is a precious moment. We really chat alot, we told each other the thing that kept in the heart for a long long time. I'm sure that after this conversation, we will know each other better than before. Nothing is hidden between us during this conversation, included the smile and the tear, nothing is fake, all real.

In the next morning (today), I woke up at seven o'clock. After taking my bath and my breakfast, Hooi Ming came. I left the house about 7.40a.m.

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Around 10 o'clock in the morning, I reached Taiping Central. Salthy Min sms me that her mother didn't want to fetch her here and she didn't give me a conclusion.

10.45 a.m., Tracey and Salthy Min reached Taiping Central. Before that, while waiting for them, I had a 45 minutes walk around the compound. I walked to Tesco and back Taiping Central, here and there about two rounds. During this journey, my mind is thinking something. It stops thinking when I saw them arrived.

Firstly, we when to Mc Donald for our breakfast. This is the first time I consume Mc Donald's breakfast. It taste quite good, the egg in the hamburger is cute too. But after drinking the coffee, my stomach feel uneasy. Haiz...

I broke my record, this is the first time I watched two movies in a day. Not only that, I watched ghost story too. This is the first time I watch ghost story, and it may be the last time I watch it. I can't stand the sound and the sudden shock in the movie. I blocked my eyes several times when I'm watching that movie.

Tracey went home first. Salty Min and I have a little chat at the Starbucks Coffee shop. From the conservation, I learned and realised alot about the others. She asked me a question too, but I don't really know what is the real answer although I do give her my answer.

After Salty Min went home, I went to the K2 cloths shop. I saw a shirt that really attracted me. I'm thinking of buying it, but my parents called up. Nevermind, I'll buy it another day, I told myself. Now, I feel kinda regret, I should buy that shirt in the same time I saw it.

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As usual, Tracey and I went to Hyin's house every Thursday for Chemistry tuition.

During waiting for Tracey's arrival, auntie and Hyin are taking their dinner and later, auntie gave me a cup of water (forgotten what watter already). After finish that cup of water, as my daily activity, I'll take the cup to the kitchen and wash it by myself.

During the process of washing my cup, I saw there are some plates in the basin. As my mother told me, when you see there are plates in the basin, just help to wash it. So, I washed them all. I'm just thinking of helping a little, and I have nothing else to do that time.

When I'm washing, I feel that somebody is at the back. I turned my head, I saw Hyin. Hyin asked me to stop washing the plates, just leave the work for her worker. I'm just try to help to do something, for replacing the trouble I brought to them.

Is time for tuition!!! Why everytime during tuition, I just can't just finish my lesson normally? The first time, I get gastric. Second time, anything happen? Third time, today, I body started to itchy.

When my body itchy, Hyin's body itchy too. Am I the one who cause her body to itchy too? For assumption, I think better don't go too near her, after her body get even worse. I surely don't want to give her any troble. Feel guity, sorry...

When my parents and I reached home, I show I parents both of my hands. My mom says, now your body is so sensitif, so you better don't punch your ear tomorrow. Oh No!!!! I want to punch my ear tomorrow, can you allow me to punch it tomorrow?

Okay, going to sleep now, tomorrow going to Taiping Sentral with my friends. Itchyness, you better get rid of my body as fast as possible. Don't bring troubles to me!!! Go away!!!!!

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Just backed from Kuala Kurau. The uncle massaged my hand. Just a few minutes massage, a few sound produced by my hand, it cost RM50.

RM50!!! Not a small amount le. I can buy many things with that RM50. Kinda regret now. If I have the chance to redecide, I think I rather let my hand pain forever also don't want to spend that RM50.

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Now, I'm suffering from stomach pain. Did I eat anything wrong just now? I don't think so, I just ate half of a ba zhang and drank a bowl of corn soup only, why this will made me suffer from stomach pain?

Now, Yin is forcing me to take some rest. I will listen to her, but I'm fear. I fear when I'm sleeping, my stomach will pain again, and I need to get up from bed and rush to the toilet again. I don't want!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I think I'll just go and sleep now. If my stomach pain again, I have no choice, but just rush to the toilet...

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Just now I show my parents my results. My mum said to me that my Maths and Additional Maths are very weak, do you want to take tuition for this to subjects? I didn't respon.

After I come out from the bathroom, I mum ask me to stop Physics tuition and take the Biology tuition. Her reason is, my Physics is okay now, and I am interested in Physics, so I can learn by myself. But my Biology is quite weak, so she ask me to take Biology tuition.

What should I do now? Quit Physics tuition and take Biology tuition? Or continue my Physics tuition and leave my Biology by aside?

Any opinion? I really don't know what to do...

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Since the day I fell sick, my body starts to become very sensitif. But actually, I don't know what I'm sensitif to. Coldness, dirtyness, seafood?

Now, both of my hands are growing white dots, my skin turn into red in colour, and both of my hands are so itchy. Terrible...

Is there anyway to cure this sickness? Let me fall sick again? By this way, will it cure? But there's a good news, after the white dot cures, there are no scars will be found on my hand. Luckily....

Can you stop this right now? You really making me suffer from itchyness!!! Or you want to see me scratching my hand until my hand start bleeding? Suffering....

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Is it necessary for very students to study? Can a students stop study?

Can I stop study? I really hate study although I know a student must study.

I'll study, but later. I have no mood to study now. Don't force me, I hate study.

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Finally, I done all my assignments. Although it is not 100% complete, but at least I tried my best to complete it.

Okay, you had finished your assignment, so when will I start study? Actually, I'm not sure. If after I'm not going out, I'll start my studies.

Tomorrow have to go school for trainning, really tired. Be patient, just suffer for half more year, after that, you are free. So, just be patient.

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Home alone, quite a long time didn't I experience this feeling since I'm going out with my parents every early in the morning.

My parents went out to the bus station for sending some goods. So, I the chance to experience home alone. Usually, my parents won't allow me to stay alone at home due to the condition of the compound area of my house.

Staying alone at home, so that I have more time to complete my assignment. Due to the hot weather, I do feel sleepy. But I find some ways to stop myself from sleeping.

I told myself, I must finish my assignment before the day ends.

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Wondering, why I do feel that today has more than 24hours.

Wondering, should I show her that file that I want to show her.

Wondering, what will she feel, what is her respond after seeing the file.

Wondering, why that Chemistry exercise book is out of stock.

Wondering, do I manage to finish my homework before Monday.

Wondering, will I start study from this weekend.

Wondering, when will I have the chance to pounch a whole on my ear...

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Beginning from today, every Thursday, I'll be outside from morning till night.

Firstly in the morning, I'll be at school studying. Next during afternoon, I'll go to CRC and take a bath then walk to tuition center for my English tuition.

Okay now, the last destination, Yin's house. I'm joining her mother's Chemistry tuition class. Members are Yin, Tracey and me. One important thing, this tuition is free!!!

OMG!!! How can I attend a free tuition class? Nevermind, begin from today, I'll just treat my teacher's daughter better than before. Haha...

While waiting for Tracey's arrival, Yin and I had a chat in her bedroom. While we are chatting about our experiences, we were smiling, not crying, although the experience is really painful.

Only both of us, know that pain, know that feeling, because, both of us had been through alot...

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This morning when I return to my class with Jia Yi, I saw Woei sitting at my place and chatting with Ming and Yin.

Suddenly, I stopped, thinking quietly, should I walk to my place? Is it the suitable time for me to walk towards there? Will I interrup their conversation if I'm present?

Honestly, after that day, I do feel uneasy when I see that particular friend chatting at aside. So, I'll just choose to leave the class like this morning, waitting at aside until they finish their conversation, or just doing my things quietly at one corner.

I know I can't behave like this, but I really can't control myself. Hate myself for acting like this. Hate that feeling too.

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As it planned, my family and I should be at Ipoh now. But I don't know why, the plan changed, and I'm going to Butterworth later.

Sorry Woei, I can't help you to buy the book already, I'm not going to Popular today. Maybe other day? Tomorrow's Chemistry tuition, we have to borrow book again. Haiz...

Yin, do you feel better now? So worry about you just now, hope you will recover in a short time ^^. And one more thing, you are doing your best now, so don't worry. Just be what you wanna be, don't think what are others thinking. Still remember? You are the one who told me this.

Now, I should do my homework quickily, finish them in the fastest speed. If I still own some extra time, I'll allow myself to online...

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Wow!! Now only I know that my Physics's tuition's teacher is my brother's Physics teacher too.

She saw me in my parents' car just now, she and my mum were chatting about my brother and me later. =.= She said that my brother is smarter than me (its true).

Later, my parents and I went to the hocker stall and take our dinner. My mum told me that my teacher said that I'm not smart as my brother. 'Ya, I didn't say I was smart before', I replied. After saying that, I get scolded by my mom.

What's wrong, why you scold me? Everyone knows that this is the truth, I'm not smart, this is the truth.

I'm stupid, I'm not smart, this is the truth, please admit this.

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Having secrets between friends is a normal thing. So, just want to tell you guys something.

You guys need not worry that I will feel sad or even angry when you guys having secrets. Having secrets between you guys is your own authority, I don't have the right to want to know everything.

I won't feel sad or angry, because, I don't have the right to do that. If you guys want to tell me, then you guys will tell me and vice versa.

Anyway, do what as you guys like la, as long as you guys feel happy, everything is find for me!

The authority is yours, not mine. It will never be mine...

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Sorry, I didn't study at all for today.

Sorry, I only did my karangan today, and I didn't do it seriously.

Sorry, I used my whole afternoon time to online, chat with friends.

Sorry, I should not use the hot weather as a excuse to stop study, stop doing homework.

Sorry, for not being a good girl.

Sorry, sorry.

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Today's breakfast, so full. My family and I ate buffet in Flemington, taking food for first round, second round, third round and so on...

Don't know why, I can't eat much now. The past me, can consume alot of food, but not now. After second round, its enough, can't eat anymore. But the others, they will continue their third round and forth round, even my grandmother do so.

Is it my health problem? Of course not!! Or maybe my body is helping me to keep fit. Haha

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Today, my uncle brought my cousin and I to somewhere near Bukit Larut. We went there for training my uncle's German Sherperd. The dog's name is Major.

My uncle expect that there will be no people traning their dogs today, but one of the uncle is there. I called him uncle Ricky.

This uncle, taught me alot this evening. He taught me the way to post a dog, the way to turn a dog's direction when leading them and so on.

Uncle Ricky told me that, I had the potential to be a dog handle. He asked me to ask my father to bring me here every Saturday and Sunday so he can train me.

So happy to have the change to be a trainey, can I just dream to be a dog handle when I grow up?

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Why the weather is so hot? If this continue, I think I'm going to transform into a BBQ chicken. Then I have free BBQ chicken to consume. =.=

But actually, I should thanks to the hot weather. This hot weather made my mind clearer. My life still have a long way to go, even I am happy nor sad. So, why don't I just face this world happily?

After my mind is cleared, I feel happier now, mood is better compare to this morning. Thanks to god.

Okay, my mind is clear enough now, can the weather turn cooler? I'm really gonna burn up now.

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Today's breakfast, we ate wan tan mee at the hocker stall.

When I finished my breakfast, I look at the table that my friends and I sat before. Then I recall what we had done that day,what we had said that day, what a happy day.

If I own a time machine, I want to reverse the time, let the time stop at the only day, that happy day.

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Today is Staurday, as usual, I'll go out with my parents early in the morning. Then we will take our breakfast before we heading back to home.

Mood, still pale, similiar like yesterday. When I'm in ther car, I have nothing else to do, so I just put on my earphone, listen to the music, and thinking nonsence again.

Well, why am I wasting my time? Why don't I use this time to do my homework or revision? It is better compare to thinking nonsence.

Nobody know what am I thinking, included me.

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Secrets, everyone have secrets. Me? I have secrets too, I think.

As I told one of my friend before, I don't really like having unknown secrets between me and my friend. I have to change this option, I can't be like that, is not good being like that.

Whatever, be what everyone wanna be, as long as everyone is happy. But, I'm I happy now? Not really I think. What is the reason, I don't know. I just know that I can't really smile now, even I smile, it looks so fake.

I know I must be happy, I must smile. But I really can't. Sorry...

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I took a quiz in facebook, the title is Are You Happy?

The results is

You generally have a happy, fulfilling life. But things could be a little better, and deep down, you know it. Maybe you need more supportive friends or a more challenging career. Somethin...g is preventing you from being totally happy. You just need to figure out what it is!

Is it true? Do I need to find a way to make me even happier?

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This morning we had a 'morning walk' during PJ period. After the 'morning walk', I fake sleep alone on the bench.

During fake sleeping, I do think of joining Hooi Ming and Sean Chin's conversation. But what I gonna do if I just bumb in like that? Laugh with them? Sorry, I'm not in the mood of laughing. Just break their conversation? Aren't you being rude enough?

After that, I'm thinking joining Yin's conversation group. But that even worse, what can I say in that group? What can I do there?

Whatever, I better continue my fake sleep activity. Being alone doing something nonsence, not a bad idea actually.Feel like going to my hidden place that time...

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Loneliness, I thought it is a friend of mine, I thought I had manage to handle it properly, I thought I'm not fear od it anymore. But unfortunately,I'm wrong. I fail to handle that feeling, I'm still fear of being lonely.

3 September 2009, 1.51p.m., this is the time whenI get in my parents vehicle. Before that, everyone had gone, I'm only the one still waiting for my parents to fetch me home. Feel so lonely that time ,I'm really fear of that feeling. It became worse after receiving a simple sentence from a friend, the sentence had broken the fragile heart of mine. That sentence made me feel even lonely.

I'm finding a person, a person that I can rely on, a person that allow me to lend on theirs shoulder, a person that can acompany me. I'm crying again, is there anyway to stop my tears from dropping down?

Lonely Doggie, a name that suits me well, forever and ever.

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Teacher, I'm so sorry for my behavier towards you. Actually, I'm didn't notice that I'm rude when I'm speaking to teacher, not until the moment my friend told me.

The main reason why I didn't realize my mistake is, I'm treating my teachers and friends in the same way. The way I talk to my teachers is slightly similiar when I'm talking to my friends.

Actually, I didn't mean to be rude in front of teacher, I'm just kidding that time. I'm the person who always talk that kind of way. I'll change attitude as fast as I could.

Conclusion, sorry teacher.

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Beginning from a certain day
I fall in love with this song
Crush by David Archuleta
I feel that the lyrics of this song is meaningful
listenning this song make me feel comfortable


I hang up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
that you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush

Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away, goin away

Has it ever cross you mind
When were hangin, spending time girl
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush

Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away,goin away

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can beWhere this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it really just another crush

Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away, goin away

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"Finally", I found the mistake in my Maths paper that made me regret. Although I told myself not to do any mistake in my exam, but I failed to do that.

Bad Maths results. If I didn't do any mistake in my Maths paper, maybe I can get at least an A2 for my Maths. But now, just a B, just a B.

I hate myself for always make nonsence mistake. I hate myself for can't handle everything properly. I hate myself for being so useless. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

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Today, 8 of our teachers had return our test paper. The results, quite nice, not really disapointed, didn't make any big mistake that make me regret. Good Job!!! I should work harder for the next term exam.

Ogos exam, I had improved alot (I think). I get and A for my English and Physics, so happy. ^^ The other two Science subjects, not bad, the results are quite nice. In the next term, it would be better.

Next, the language subject. As usual, Chinese is the worst, then Malay and the best is English. Although I'm a Chinese, but I hate Chinese, funny right?

Ogos term exam, I'm not the only one who improved, Hooi Ming and Hui Yin improved too!! Gratz!! Especially Hui Yin, you did it, I'm sure that everyone know that you're doing your best, sure that everyone know that you really put all your effort on your studies. So, Gambateh!! You'll do better in your last term exam!!!

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