Happy a bit, smile more, and you'll be good

The first week of holiday had passed. Time do flies, there is only few more days left before the school reopen.

What had I done in the first week? Revised part of the Form 4's Sejarah chapter 1 (consider 0), almost playing sdo with my cousin and Woei Woei everyday, going out every morning, online, listen to songs...

Second week of the holiday, what should I do? I'm going to school for the last four days of the week, attending Chinese Orkestra's activity. Haiz, I felt tired when I'm thinking about it. Well, this will be the last time, just put more effort on the last performance.

Ohya, I got a Additional Mathematic project to do. Me and other two had planned to visit yin's house earlier to complete this project, but why I have this feeling that the plan won't work? Work has to be done, I'll still go to her house earlier no matter they are doing so or not.

Erm, anyone is free to chat? Not really in a good mood now, need a company...

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There are only ten days left before the mid term exam. What I had studied?

The subject I amphasize the most, Biology. I had read 6 chapter of Form 4 Biology. But now when I ask myself, how much can I remember about what I read recently?

Not even half of them is in my brain, what a failure right?

The mid term exam, it is am important exam, parents are coming to school to take your report card. Can you take it more seriously on this matter?

Study study study!! You should study now!! Please sacrifice the last 10 days for your studies!!! Please leave all the entertainment a side, you'll be allowed to reconnect with them after your exam...

Now, go to your bed and take a rest. Start from tomorrow, please try your best for the mid term exam...

Ganbatte~!

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Mid term exam is just around the corner (17 days left). Haiz, time do flee so fast..

Today, my English tutor said that we're enjoying our life now ( we do ), but he said there will be no more laugher in us after the mid term exam. He claimed that after we have done our mid term exam, we'll realize that there are no more extra time for us to revise what we should revise.

I want to improve my English, I really do, but I'm lazy =.= I should quickly improve my English before I regret for what I have not done. During the assembly, our principal claimed that we should at least master 2 languages. First is Chinese and the second is Malay.

Master 2 languages? I will, but absolutely not included Malay. I'll definitely choose English and Chinese. I'll master English because I like English more than the other languages. For the other language, I'll choose Chinese because Chinese is my mother tongue.

Sorry to say that, but I'll study Sejarah at the eleventh o'clock. This is the only way to prevent the things I studied flee away from my brain.

LD, please do your best for the mid term exam. Ganbatte~!

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Everyone knows that now is not the right time to read story books (Twilight), but I really can't stop myself from reading it. XD

At first, I just plan to finish the chapter I'm reading, but when I had finished that particular chapter, I feel like wanna continue reading that book.

Oh god, someone please stop me from reading that book? I should be studying Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Sejarah now and not Twilight!!

This afternoon, I saw the Eclipse's newest trailer. After watching that trailer, I have a crazy idea. I'm thinking of finishing the Eclipse book version before watching the movie.

I'm crazy right? Hey hey hey, please remember what you should do now and what's your limit!!!

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I'm in Ipoh now. Since my father had signed up the Maxis broadband, so I can online although I'm in my car now. ^^

Ipoh, a place I often visit since I'm a little girl. When I'm small, my father will go to Ipoh every Saturday to attend a small meeting.

Just now when I'm in Jusco, I was shock when I saw my junior here. This world is really small, I didn't think about it that I'll meet anyone I know in Ipoh.

Is getting dark now, I have to switch off the computer to prevent my eye from hurting...

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Pam : Are you okay?
Doggie : Okay~! Why not?

Fake fake fake!!!! The answer is so fake!!

Please show the true you, can you?

No I can't. The true me is a useless girl, a negative girl, a girl that afraid of everything.

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Don't force me to eat anymore, please..

Although my stomach is not full, but I really can't fill anything.

My mom force me to eat my lunch. If I don't eat it, I'll get scold. If I eat it, I'll feel like gonna vomit.

Well, I'll just do as my mom says. Squeezing all the food into my mouth and a way to prevent myself from vomiting...

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These tablets, 6 per day. Comsume 3 in the morning and 3 at night.

I hate consuming tablets!!! But I have no choice, I had ruin myself, my own healthy.

I have lost something, nor my health or something I precious more then anything...

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What should I do now? Study of course!

There is only 30 more days left before I manage to reach the mid term exam. I should be studying now, not wondering around.

I know I must start my revision NOW, but I don't know why, I can't. What subject should I start first? There are plenty of them!

Sejarah, definitely will fail in the mid term examination because I totally don't know what is the content of Form 4 Sejarah. In addition, I lost interest on this subject.

Biology, Chemistry, Physics, which one should I touch first? 3 in 1? Impossible...

Add maths, I'm getting afraid of this subject...

Now, the only thing spinning in my brain is, sleep, sleep and sleep.

I'm running away from the truth, I know I am.

Don't ask me to waste my time because I'm wasting my own time.

Boku wa ki ni shi nai...

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Did a small experiment on myself. The conclusion is, the hypothesis can be accepted.

This morning, I bought two packets of snacks (heaty) from the market. I ate them all in just few hours. As usual, I drink alot of water to 'neutralise' my stomach.

Just now, I had my stomachache again. I think, it is because of the heaty snacks I ate this morning (hypothesis).

Well, a conclusion can be made. My stomach had damaged.

This means that, no more heaty food like biscuit and chocolate for me. No more spicy food especially tomyam for me.

What?! You gonna be kidding me! No biscuits, no tomyam, how do I continue my life journey?

Maybe I can take these food when my stomach is recovered. ^^

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'Happy a bit, smile more, and you'll be good'

If everything is just that easy, there will be no sadness in me.

Everyone has their own problem. If you can't see it, it doesn't mean that the person has no problems.

Haiz, my only chit chat partnet for tonight, had gone...

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April Fool, it looks like it is a good festival. Everyone is playing, fooling around. But, it has become not as fun as past few years.

Some of them, just take it easy as usual. Some of them, having bad luck for today. Some of them, don't even enjoy this festival.

I'm considered as the lucky one, because I didn't fooled by my friends, yet. But I unlucky too, I'm suffering from stomachache for two times today. Haiz...

During after school, at least I'm having some fun with my friends. Playing around...

Zaku, you may think it is not fun at all. But we're Form 5 now, if we don't play now, is there any chance for us to play like that again?

If I'm over doing it, please tell me. I don't know what is you guy's limit. And when I'm over excited, I don't even know how to cut it off.

As I said, I'm not good as you think...

I'm just a childish girl, a playfull girl...

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Now, lack of idea to write blog.

I'm just waiting for my uniform to be washed before I go to bed.

Weather had became warmer and warmer, even at night I still could feel the heat. Hot weather, I don't really like it.

Keep smiling to overcome every problem we face? Is this a positive thinking or just lying to ourself?

It should be positive thinking, not negative thinking.

Be positive always~ If I manage...

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Stomachache, I'm used to it. But please, don't attack me at the wrong time.

Schooling time, tuition time, please don't attack me. I'm not afraid of you, I'm just afraid that you'll cause trouble for me.

Even now my shoulder cause pain. When I sit up straight for too long period, the pain will start attack me again. This means, stop sitting straight?

These pain, I'm used to it. Attention, I'm not afraid of you!

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'Be what you wanna be'

This sentence is not suitable for me. I can't be what I wanna be, I'm sure many of them will not accept me if I did that.

I don't have confidence to be what I wanna be. Many of my characteristic are bad.

Since I can't be what I wanna be, I'll just follow others' orders. It may be better for me, I think.

Throw all the bad characteristic away. It is easy for me to say, but difficult for me to do. Well, I'll just have to put more effort on it.

REMEMBER, what mum said just now, please...

All is for your own GOOD. Parents don't hurt you or ruin your whole life.

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Problem statement :
How to determine the negativity of a person?

Aim of experiment :
To investigate the level of negativity between two person.

Hypothesis :
The more the number of negative post, the more negative the person are.

Variables :
Manipulated variable : The number of negative post
Responding variable : Negativity of a person
Constant variable : Posts from private blog

List of apparatus :
Eye for checking, hand for scrolling

Technique used :
Calculate the number of negative posts.

Procedure :
1) Two suitable person were choosen.
2) The number of two persons' negative posts were told.
3) The results were recorded below.

Presentation of data :
A : 7 negative posts in 3 months
B : 20++ negative posts in 38 days

Conclusion :
The more the number of negative post, the more negative the person are. The hypothesis is accepted.

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Had I change? Do anyone discover this fact?

However, the inside me is still the same me. But the outer one, had totally changed.

I'm just an ordinary girl that hopes to own the little thing that I wants...

I'm just an ordinary girl that afraid of being hurt by others...

Tired, tired, tired... Hope that the lonely night would not end.

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Be friends with me if you wanna know me
Stay away form me if you hate or dislike me
You may play a fool on me if you're boring
I'm used to it for being fooled by others
So I don't really mind what you're doing to me
This is just because I'm a self-mistreatment

Suddenly feel like writing this kind of crazy things. But, that's the truth isn't it?

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I'm a bad daughter and a bad sister.

Just now when I sent my sister to the bas station, at the moment I look her get up the bus, I felt relieve. Sorry sis..

These few days, I'm always blaming her. Blaming her for coming back at the wrong time, blaming for her presence made my program can't work.

Went she's back, she keep watching movie from the program PPStream without concerning that I'm having my exam this week.

I blamed her that after she used the computer, my program can't work. It's obivous, it's not her fault, it's the program's problem, but I keep pointing my finger at her.

I'm jealous with her. What ever she said, my parents won't get angry. But if I said the same thing, my parents may get angry. Is this due to the difference in the way of talking cause parents to get angry?

I'm jealous with her. When we get home, my doggie keeps searching for her. My doggie only will plays this kind of game with her, I'm jealous. Even my doggie treats my sister better, this proved that how bad am I.

I'm not a nice or a caring girl. On the contrary, I'm a bad and evil girl. I deserve to be alone...

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Today, I asked Zakuro to borrow me her's 'The Twilight Saga'. Wow, miracle do happen! I thought this day wouldn't come, but today, I'm borrowing a BOOK from my friend!

What happen to me? What made me wanna borrow a book from Zakuro. I'm the type of person that wouldn't touch a book if the condition allows, esspeically a 500 pages thick novel.

Maybe this is just because I'm interested in the Twilight movie. Yeah, definitely this is the reason. I'm sure that I'm still the same, wouldn't touch any book, except for 'The Twilight Saga'~!

Haha... I'm crazy...

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I can't express my emotion at facebook, my brother will start scolding me..

I can't express my emotion to my parents, they don't know me, they'll only scold me, and so this and so that.

I can't express my emotion to my friends, I don't want them to worry, and I really don't know how to tell them.

I discovered that, I have no body to talk to.

At the past few years, at least my doggie will listen to what I've said to her. But now... don't mention.

Although I'm under depression mode, I still have to memorize my oral script. I wanna cry, can anyone lend me your shoulder?

Suddenly, I think of a friend of mine...

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Horrible, what a horrible world I'm living in. I... I can't believe I had seen it with my own bare eyes...

About half and hour ago, I walked out my house and have a walk with the puppies. I started counting the puppies, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... I'm wondering, where is the sixth puppy.

When I turned my head to the right, I saw that sixth puppy. The puppy is busy consuming something. I walked towards the puppy and I saw a horrible incident.

The puppy.... the puppy is eating her's own species. A few week's old puppy eating a new-born puppy. The pity puppy had been eaten and separated into two pieces. I even saw the organ of the puppy's...

I can't believe that I saw this incident with my own eyes. I can't believe that a few week's old puppy will harm a new-born puppy. I can't believe it...

I'm.... I'm not okay right now. Feeling like throwing up when I recall what I had seen.

I'm living in a horrible world...

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Today, I don't know why I'm so tired although I slept quite early yesterday. No matter how long I sleep, I still feel tired.

Mum asked me to bath my doggie just now, but I really don't have the energy to bath her. Sorry mum, Jess.

Mum is wiping the floor and she asked me, what have I done for the whole morning. Mum, I... done nothing other than sleeping..

Sorry mum, I'm useless, I'm self-centeredness, I know..

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Seems like I didn't update this blog since long time ago. Actually, I'm busing with other blog, haha ^^

After my father and I will be coming to Ipoh to get some goods for chinese new year. Parents are busying with entertaining customers and I'm busy finishing my assignments and handling my mood.

I think everything is going back to normally. Only maybe and maybe only.

Chinese New Year is coming but I sitll didn't feel it. New year, time for me to collect ang pau!

Lets play a game? Let us see who get the most amount of money this year. Who wanna join the game? Haha, my childish act..

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I had created a blog again. A secret but public blog.

This blog will be all about the entire me, the good one nor the bad one. I'll consider nobody know that blog, so that I can really write everything out.

Everything I hided, everything in my mind that I didn't dare to split it out, will be written at there. So if everyone know the presence of that blog, is just like knowing what I'm I thinking.

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I'm using new laptop now. ^^

My father got this laptop from his working place. This laptop is one of the prize of a 'buying pink guava juice' competition.

The brand of this laptop, Asus? I'm not really sure what is this brand actually, didn't heard of this name either. But it is similiar to Alyssa's laptop.

Haha, now I have 1 destop, 2 laptops at my house now. ^^

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During recess, he and I had a friendly match, AGAIN! After the match, I felt damn hot, but I'm glad for having that match. This made me recall something about my life during primany school.

Before the match, he sent me an invitation. Thanks for the invitation, I really do hope that I can join it too, but I can't, I just can't.

In my own opinion, I think he knows something, so he sent that invitation. But, I'm not sure he sent that invitation seriously or not, haha..

Match? Do you really think so? Haiz...

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Around 3.45p.m., 37.2
Around 4.15p.m., 37.5
Around 8.15p.m., 38.2

This is my body temperature for today. When I returned from school, I feel better. But after I came back from Biology tuition, the temperature rised.

38.2, I I don't feel it. I just feel that my body is burning up.

Not only that, I don't know why I'm suffering from pain. I can't comfirm where the pain come from, it just like coming from the upper part of my stomach.

Gonna memorize my lisan first before I go to bed. Falling sick can't be the reason for taking a break...


The songs Alyssa gave me just now, not 100% complete! T.T Gonna find her next week again...

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I just came back from Taiping Sentral.

Yin, Jia Yi and I went there to watch Tiger Woo Hoo. This is the first time I watch night movie with my friends. It feels great!

Tomorrow going to Physics tuition, parents going to Ipoh again, haiz. Zaku, can you fetch me to tuition tomorrow from CRC, again?

Sorry, for causing so much trouble for you.

Still wondering, why I'll meet him three times continueously at Taiping Sentral without planning...

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Today, in this year is the first time I did my assignment until now (12:44 a.m.) without feeling tired but a felt little hungry. >.<

This may be because I slept quite long in the car due to an accident occured when I'm coming back from Ipoh at the highway.

Tell you guys a good news, I bought the egg tarts you guys mentioned. Sorry, I didn't buy the quantity that you guys mentioned, each of everyone can just have one of them.

And one more thing, it is actually quite far compared to the distance Pam said. My family and I have to pass through more than 2 traffic lights to reach Choy Kee. But luckily, we found that shop in just few minutes. ^^

Let's us have an egg tart party tomorrow!

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What the hell?!

I'm trying to clear my bag as empty as possible. But the God play a fool with me, tomorrow's books are so many, can't really decide what books should I take out from my bag.

Tomorrow night, four of us are going to a Chemistry test, but I didn't do my revision yet, haiz. Hope that tomorrow's assignment will be less or the better, zero >.<

Assignments left : 2
Dateline : next week and Febuary
Percentage : 0% and 70%

Assignment, gonna finish it as early as possible.

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I'm so tired. Physically, I still can't figure out why when I come back from school on every Sunday, I'll become super tired.

Mentally, even tired. Mental tired will be even suffer then physical tired. Can't control my tiredess. If I manage to control it, it will surely be perfect.

I hope that I can be infected by a very serious illness, an illness that needs a long time to recover, so that I can relax myself better. This is the only way to throw everything out from my mind.

Mind condition : Saturated!

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Mathematics, Additional Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Sejarah...

Which subject should I start revision first? Form 4 first of Form 4 then? Form 5 first or Form 5 then?

Sejarah is the worse, I failed 3 time for 4 examination last year. Still wondering will I fail Sejarah again in the March exam.

Honestly, Form 5's Sejarah is better to study. The syllabus is not so boring and the most important, I owned a good teacher teaching our class Sejarah this year. ^^

Additional Mathematics, another problem. When doing complicated questions, I start getting blur and can't continue doing the question. Haiz... Only way, do more question...

Whatever, I'll just do my best. As long as I do my very best, there will be no regret...

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Hatred is a negative word. No one would like to hate people or being hate by people, this 'activity' is so tired, isn't it?

But sometimes we have to admit that, we can't run away from this matter. Someone may hate the others and the others may hate someone for some reason. In this moment, maybe someone do hate me too?

We may neglect that feeling of hatred if you want to live in a better life. That is their business, just let them do what they like.

Being honest, I do hate someone in the past. Hating others is not a must, it will snatch your happiness if you do hate someone. So, I don't hate people now, I just don't like some of them >.<

Take it easy, be happy, if you can ^^

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Stupid karangan made my mood turns even moody.

I'm lack of idea to write that stupid karangan now. What should I write to Perdana Menteri in a sudden? I have nothing to say to him since I don't have the right to do or say anything.

Idiot beginner and one main point, I just wrote these, nothing else I can think to write about in that paper.

Anymore idea for me to add some points?

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Still wondering, what is the motif of letting me live on this earth.

Dad is busying fetching me go and back from tuition 4 times a week. Mum have to pay the fee for 3 tuition centres. After parents done so much, they didn't see any improvement. They felt dissapointed right?

I'm going for English tuition, Biology tuition, Chemistry tuition and Physics tuition. Improvement, not much, but always suffer from tiredness. I know I'm a bad girl, I'm not a cleaver girl, I'm a troublesome person. I can't solve any problems but I manage to create problem for the others.

Why my sister can but I can't? She got 9 As for her SPM without attending any tuition. She looks so relax when she is facing her SPM, she can even watch movie at night although she is sitting for her SPM in the next morning.

Worthless, valueless, useless...

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Everything has a limit.

The feeling of a person has a limit.
The patient of a person has a limit.
The condition of a person has a limit.
The concern of a person must have a limit too.

Due to my over concern, I woke up a girl that sleeping deeply. Felt really guilty and sorry to her for waking her up. Sorry...

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Today, I skipped school practice and went to Taiping Sentral to help Yin to celebrete her birthday.

How can we celebrate a person's birthday by skating with birthday girl? This is the style of hers? Haha... Anyway, as long as she is happy. Birthday girl must be happy always.

Skating is a fun game, agree right? Although Tracey, Yin and I hurt a little when we are playing, but I'm sure that we enjoy yourself..^^

Lastly, Happy Birthday, Yin!!

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Waiting for mum to come back now. She said that she will make a fish bugger for me when she's back. Nice!

Still remember the past few years, my mum made bugger for me and let me take it to school. It taste nice, I love it so much. But after that, my mum didn't made for me anymore.

Mum, can you come back earlier? I want to eat my bugger, my memorable bugger.

Can I go back to the past? It will be easiler for me for sure. No sadness, no happiness. The way of living alone, nothing to worry about.

hurray! mum is back. bugger time!

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Fever, go away, don't bother my doggie. I don't want to see her suffer. If you wanna attack, just attack me please.

She is so cheerful before she is sick, she will shake her tail when I came back from school or tuition. She will angry when I do her if she's not in a good mood.

But now, she is weak, moody, don't like to move around. So pity looking her like that.

So, go away fever or come to me. Please...

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So tired! I feel like going to faint when I get up from the chair or the floor although I just woke up from my nap.

About 1 hour nap, why I feel like didn't sleep at all? Still exhausted, still blur blur~

Don't know what to do now. Still wondering...

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I hate you I hate you!!

You ruin my plan, you make me spolit my promise, you make me feel guilty!

Not only that, you took my time, took my money, took my energy, took everything you could!

Stupid orkestra! I really regret that I said that sentences four years ago. My biggest regret, ever!

Really hope that I can leave orkestra at April, another disaster..

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Just now in Physics tuition, I'm chatting with Shein Min all the way. This is because I'm sitting at the back, can't really 100% concentrate what is the teacher teaching. >.<

She said she can feel that she will be thrown aside in this class before the tuition starts, and at the end, it really occured. It feels sad, dissapointed right? I know that feeling well, I had been through that before..

Really feel moody after chat with her, everthing in the past had recalled. So sad.. When I'm in CRC, I can't even concentrate on my Biology studies. I can't control my emotion well, what a failure.

The one is good should be treasure well, and of course, the bad one should be thrown away as fast as possible. No time for you to be moody, you still have a lot of things to do..

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Just read that blog.

It is really nothing, please don't blame yourself, is okay for me. I know that, only a person that is suitable for me to tell my personal problem, only her, I manage to tell to, I always want to tell to.

But, I won't tell her, because I know she is busy, I don't want to bother her. Other then that, I don't want to effect her too. She's positive now, is better for her to maintain like that. When she's happy, I'll be glad for her.

Since nobody is the most suitable to tell to now, so I had choosen to hide everything for myself. Only one concept in my mind, I'm the only one who suffer is better than others suffer.

Recently, I felt that I can't communicate with a person. Is this that person's problem or my problem. Or maybe both?

And one more thing, I know this is unfair, but I hope that she'll tell me her problems. I don't want her to hide everything for herself, then become negative again, then back to the past...

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Today, can't concentrate when I'm doing my homework. Is this because I know that today's homework is not many as yesterday? Maybe...

In class, I think I'm being rude to teacher again but it's not as serious as last year, I think. oh god, still can't change my attitude, my way of speaking.

I think I have to start shut my mouth when any teacher is in front of me. This will avoid being rude, avoid speaking wrong sentences, avoid this, avoid that. Good idea~

Tired! Although I sleep at 11 o'clock and wake up at 5.30a.m. (6 and the half hours), but I still feel tired. This is my another problem, no matter I sleep how long, I'll still feel tired. Haiz..

Well, better start my work now, before I regret what I have not done.

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Actually, I didn't want to walk in 5Sc4, I'm really afraid that I will not willing to walk out from that class.

But in that condition, with the door locked, and I need to get my books, I have to walk in that class, that familiar class.

Suffer, why wanna treat me like this? But, I don't have time to suffer now, I don't really own enough time for my studies. Teacher gave us quite a number of homeworks, and we have to finish it in time although teacher didn't say when to pass it up.

Now in the class, I don't have time to think of others. Life is busier and busier, this is Form 5's life, right?

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Well, I'm going to school later, the first day of schooling in 2010!

All set, just waiting for my parents to get their things done and ready to leave the house.

Good luck, everyone~

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Tomorrow, going back to school tomorrow. Haiz...

First, I don't know whether I can wake up at 5.30a.m. or not, long time didn't wake up so early already.

Second, going to study in a disaster class. Woei ask me to try to accept everything, but I still don't know whether I manage to do what as she said.

Third, Kar Ling said that we gonna start inviting new students to take part in orkestra in the first day of schooling, so tiring...

OMG~,speechless now...

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Although I'm having bad day in the first day of 2010, but I really enjoy myself in the second day of 2010.

I played roller skate with Woei and my old friend. So excited! This is my first time playing roller skate, Woei and I played 8 hours of it.

Roller skating is a nice activity, hope that I can go there again with a gang of friends...

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The first day in 2010, boring.

Firstly, I went out early in the morning to take my breakfast. I think because I ate nasi lemak for my breakfast, so feel like having a little of gastric after meal.

Haha, I didn't eat lunch today. My family and I skipped our lunch accidentally. Although I didn't eat in the afternoon, but I don't feel hungry. Or maybe this had become a habit of mine?

I went to Ipoh just now, done nothing, so boring. My father had an appointment with somebody, but they didn't meet in time, so my mum and I have to wait. We ate our dinner with two other uncles. Because of the two guy, I have to wait again. Haiz...

First day of 2010 is so boring, can't imagine what will happen next, and I don't want to know it too...

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