Happy a bit, smile more, and you'll be good

Long time didn't swim, still can move, just can't swim long distance. Haha~~

After swimming, I realized something. I think, my shoulder is hurted. I can't really swim freestyle freely. Once I swim freestyle, both of my shoulder will feel pain.

What cause this pain to occur? Over tired? Over using strength?

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In CRC now~~

Wow, the internet in CRC is pretty fast today, I downloaded quite a number of songs here, included Numa Numa...

I'm here with Jia Yi for swimming. Long time didn't swmin already. Will I drown later?

Haha~~ I won't get drown so easily one la. But this kind of thing very hard to say, like my essay, if I'm be destinated to be died, I'll die where ever I hide.

Anyone have six scence here? Can you tell me when will I die?

Haha, just kidding~~

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Today I took the exam for Additional Mathematics and Biology.

Am I dying? I left a few questions behind for Additional Mathematics. I threw away about 20 plus marks. Dying soon right?

After that is Biology paper. One of the section C, 10 marks question, I spot it wrongly. Will I get an egg for that part? Who can you blame? You can only blame at yourself because you didn't study enough for Biology.

During Biology paper, my eyes began to feel itchy. I scratch and rub my eyes until it became became warm and slightly swollen.

Pam pass by my sit just now. She asked me, 'what happen to you? Feel uncomfortable?'

I replied her, ' nothing actually, just my eye is really itchy now.'

She replied me, ' Oh? Wanna receive a punch from me?'

What do you mean actually? Can you explain to me again?

When I went up my vehicle without my spectacles, my mom show me her strange expression and asked me where is my spectacles.

Don't worry,I'm just expressing my crazy feeling, didn't really blame on Pam or anyone. Or actually no one is worrying, I'm just seok sendiri-ING?

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Alone, the word alone. I hate it? I'm fear of it? Yeah, but it's my past.

After somebody enlightened me, I started to learn to change my idea. Being alone may be a big problem for the past me, but now, is not a really big deal anymore. Give me some time, I'll give myself some time too, I'll totally change that kind of thinking.

I'm fear of the word lonely, maybe is because I have my sister and brother by my side since small. After my brother and sister went to Singapore, I'm alone here. I started to feel even fear this word after the moment they leave me.

That guy is really a professional advicer, after he enlighten me, I didn't think about that word anymore. Is it because I'm busying with my studies now? Just now I saw this word in my pal's blog, in a sudden, feeling like writing this blog.

Being alone is not a big deal actually, is just I'm the one who thinking that way. By the way, there is certain moment is more suitable to be alone.

" Try to open your heart, think carefully what is the real feeling in your heart. "

Friends, a very important character in my life. I'm I too dependent to my friends? Should I change this idea of mine?

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I becomes gloomy after the Physics paper. Although I'm not really work hard on this subject, but I like this subject, Physics.

Sorry teacher, I can't take an A for Physics.

Sorry teacher, I don't know how to do the experiment part.

Sorry teacher, this paper is hard for me because I didn't study much.

Tomorrow's paper, Sejarah, even worse. I just studied chapter one only and the Sejarah paper 2 contains alot of marks. I don't want to fail Sejarah paper again but I'm sure that I will fail the paper.

Haiz, I'm not a cleaver girl. In another word, I'm a stupid girl.

Just now after my lunch, I almost throw up. Is not a big deal, normal for me...

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Having Chinese paper one and Physics tomorrow.

Chinese, haven study. PLanned to study tomorrow morning.

Physics. Ms.Chad, sorry that I may not get an A this time. It's quite impossible.

Well, nothing to write for today. Just feel that, I'm helpless.

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Suffer from stomach ache AGAIN!!!

I know I'm not a good girl, but can't you leave me alone? What had I done wrong? What had I eaten wrong?

Do you know now is my examing period? I need to concentrate. I'm lacking of concentration now and you snatch all my concentration away.

Or let us make a deal, okay? Today, you let my stomach suffer till any condition you like, but please let me go by tomorrow. Deal?

I know I'm not a good girl, but please just leave me alone...

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Found a safe place to vomit everything out. Thanks for telling me that there is this web appear in this net world.

Haha, after I found this place, I almost spend my whole day time in this place.

Once again, thanks.

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Boring~~~!!

Just allow myself wondering around until the morning ends. After morning, I'll study, I swear. If I don't, I'll force myself till I do it. If still don't, ........

Mum going to old town with my auntie. I want to go but I do not want to go. I can't go, I have to study.

Study, study, study. Hate study but still have to study.

Oh well, just six more days, gambateh~~!!

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Felt going crazy again. Will the exam's arrival be the reason of going crazy? Maybe...

Today I took my two hours nap and didn't study at all, another reason of going crazy. Can't concentrate well, so I surfed the net and watched Happy Tree Friends.

May I be one of the character in Happy Tree Friends?

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English paper one had passed, gratz for finishing your paper..^^

Sometimes, that person may not know what you are really thinking if that person didn't really experience that incident before. The thing you had done is done, no more turning back. The best way to complement the matter you had done is, go and ply some medician.

Don't blame yourself too much, that is uncontrollable, I know. But from now on, please treat yourself better.

Gambateh~~!!

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Tomorrow's paper, BM 2 and BI 1.

OMG, these two subjects is also not my pro subject (actually I'm not very pro in any subject). I'm that fear I can't finish my studies for these two subjects. Wake up early tomorrow for study? Can't do that. If I do that, I may lack of energy when I'm sitting for my exam tomorrow.

One more way, I'll sleep later today. This will prevent myself from not finishing my studies and I no need to wake up early tomorrow too.

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Who am I actually? A chinese? Ya, I'm a chinese that didn't master Chinese well, a chinese that unlike the language of Chinese. I didn't master English well too, so do Malay. I'm a weak girl, right?

My personality,
1) I don't like being alone, but I'm forcing myself to used to it in this lonely condition.
2) I do love my friends so much, I willing to do anything for my friends although I have to sacrifice myself.
3) I may be in a good temper in front of you, but I'm not really in a good mood that time.
4) I may be a schizophrenia patient, I'm confuse about my attitude when I'm in the school and at home. I can't differentiate which is the real me.
5) I may need something but I won't say it.
6) I'm poor in hiding my emotion, everything is written on my face although I don't really want it to. I'm trying my very best to learn how to hide myself.
7) I'll feel really guity when I done something wrong although I'm the one who doing wrong.
8) I'll express my happiness, sadness, anger, guilty in the same way.
9) I do feel jealous when everyone has a company but not me.
10) I'm the lazy one although I didn't look like one.

I think this is all I know about myself. I'll update this post when I think of something new.

I don't know myself well actually.

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The view of study is back, I'm glad. But the bad temper of mine is still here. Hate myself for having such bad temper.

Actually, I still can't really concentrate well, but it is better than before. ^^

Oh well, today not going to Biology tuition too, sad. Still have to make a choice between Biology and Physics. I can't do two things in the same time, I'm a human, not a robot.

But today, for my condition, its better for me to attend Physics tuition.

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Sejarah, still a weak subject for me. This final term exam, I may fail for this subject again.

Or maybe I can get at least a pass for my sejarah if I start to study that subject now? Oh well, better start study now, I'm lack of time. Study maniac, go go go!!! ^^

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Finally, my will of studying is backed!!! ^^ Finally...

I did the activity I mentioned before to summon my will back. It really works, everything needs sacrifices. Is okay, as long as everything back to normal. ^^

Hehe...read one chapter for Biology and after I will finish another chapter. Just left 3 more days before the exam. Is it too late for me to start studies?

My mood for today is always changing. From normal to gloomy, from gloomy to crazy, from crazy to aware, from aware to satisfied, from satisfied to happy. ^^

Today is a really meaningful day to me.

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Found a way to slighty summon my concentration back.

But, it is not a right way and it is unlogical. What is it? Sorry, I can't say it. Just keep it as a secret.

Everyone's busying now, can't really find a pal to chat with... Anyway, just keep it until the end of exam la, but I'm afriad that I can't really handle that so long.

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Still can't concentrate on my studies!!! Still will feel sleepy when I picked up my book. Even that I manage to pick up my book without closing my eyes, everything I read just can't enter my mind. I have to keep repeating the same SENTENSES until I get what the sentense really means. And the sentenses, actually is just as simple as ABC.

Exam will be held from this Thursday to the second coming Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, just three more days left!! and I still can't concentrate. Honestly, this incident never happen on me before, whats wrong actually?

Thinking of creating a fake accident to demolish this bastard, so that the world will return to the 19th century, the moment without the presence of this bastard. This kind of human living in the world, is just wasting all the useful material.

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Just woke up from my afternoon nap, I slept for 2 and the half hours. Long time didn't take such long afternoon nap already.

Although slept for such long time, but still feel very very tired. I planned to continue my nap, but today I just study a few pages of Biology, so, I dragged my heavy body up from the bed.

At first, I'm thinking of looking at friends blog first then only continue my studies (still in the sleepy condititon), but when I opened that blog, I saw something not scary but it's very scary in the first sight plus in the sleepy condition.

Now, I'm alittle regret on openning her blog in this time. This freaks me out. Next time, I think I won't open her blog just after my nap...

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Study? I'll study, but not now. Now, everything can't get in my mind although I force it to enter my brain.

I'm not the type that will study few weeks before the the exam's arrival. I'm the type that only will pick my book up and crazy studying at the eleventh o'clock.

Funny things do happen on me, if I start studying at the eleventh o'clock, everything will get in my brain easily and this will allow me to pass the exam too. So, I think I can stop studying now and start crazying here and there since everything I studied now can't go in my brian.

Angel: You should not think like that, you should study hard to avoid regreting in the future.

Devil: So what? Regret? Scare what? Study at eleventh o'clock also can la, so no need to waste your energy for studying la...

Hate myself for thinking like that, but this is the truth. I manage to pass all my exams in the same way. But do you know? That is the past. Last time, you are in Form 3, but now you are in Form 4. Form 4 is not as easy as you think. You think you can pass Form 4 by using the same way?

I know I must not use the same technique for the coming exam, but everything I read really can't enter my mind. Looking at the unstudied subjects, esspecially sejarah, I don't even want to touch those book anymore. I fear that I can't finish my syllabus. What a coward.

Nine more days left for the coming last term exam...

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Going Ipoh now. No time for blogging, no time for revision, no time for anything else.

Around night, I'll be back. That time, I'll start writing my blog.

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Haiz, no mood to study today. So, just rest for one more day la. Tomorrow start study okay? Promise?

This few days, I feel that my body is burning, but when I take my temperature, the temperature is not really high, just 37.2 degree only.

Can I cancel my eligible for the coming final exam?

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I don't know what to do now and don't think wanna do anything. But uncontrol, my mouth is working on something, bitting my own lips.

Should I do some revision? Sorry, no mood now. Watch some movies? Now not really a suitable time I think.

Torturing myself, one of my hobby. Uncontrollable...

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Exam over lo~~ For one subject only la... Hehe ^^

Although just one subject, but I do really feel more relax. Because, the subject had done is Moral!!!

Moral is a subject that needs to memorize alot. Now this Moral paper is done, I can reformat my hard disk already. Clear all the information that won't be using this year.

Next Thursday, Pendidikan Sivik and Pendidikan Jasmani. This two subject no need to read la, I better use my memory card for another subjects. ^^

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Physics tuition... Biology tuiton.... Why do I have to choose to attend which tuition? Why these two tuitions' time knocked together?

Physics teacher said that she may change the next year's Physics tuition time. She said maybe will replace Tuesday to Sunday. Haha, Sunday, even worse, can't make it.

Tuesday cannot, becuase next year I definitely will attend Biology class. Sunday, can't too, have to attend school practice. So how?

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My supper, Moral nilai bidang 1 to 3. Done!!!

Okay now, go to bed. You still have to memorize bidang 4 to 7 tomorrow (can I just ignore it?)...

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Today, busy doing homework. Until now still haven complete them all. Just now, doing Additional Maths, but can't do much question. Hate it..

Can't do Additional Maths, made my temper become bad. Because of this, parents mad at me now. Why my parents can accept my sister's bad temper but not mine?

Still have to memorize nilai for Moral exam. Haiz, I don't have enough time la. Can I cut my sleeping time? Or should I force myself memorizing half of the 36 nilai before going to bed?

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Exam is just around the corner. The last term examination will start on 26 October and Moral and Pendidikan Sivik will be pushed forward, 14 and 15 of October.

The subjects that I had studied
Maths chapter 1 to 4
Additional Maths chapter1 to 5
Biology chapter 1 (useless)
Chemistry chapter 7 and 8 (roughly know only)

And the rest subjects that I didn't mention, unstudied.

If I still don't start study now, I think I'm going to the bottom class next year. I'm not really a cleaver girl, so can't guarantee I will pass the exam although I done all the homework gave by teachers.

Today is 11 October, exam starts on 26 October and I have only 15 days to do my revision. Don't forget, I still have to cut my sleeping time, eating time, bathing time, schooling time and so on. At last, just left roughly 4 to 5 days time I think. Enough? Definitely not enough. I'm not a robot, can't cut my sleeping time.

I don't want to drop class next year, I don't want to go to the better class either ( can you really manage to climb up to the higher class?). Honestly, I'm used to it studying in girls' class. Love my class now. Can I just maintain in my old class?

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Just finish my chinese essay. Just simply write it, I wonder when teacher mark it, what is her's expression. Laugh, angry, no respons? I think she didn't see such low standard essay before la hor.

After came back from school still have to do homework, so tiring. But luckily I had done it ^^

Miss my friends~~

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Saturday is my free day, so I have to make use of my time, don't try to waste it again anymore.

Trying to complete my chinese essay now. After completing it, I'm gonna finish my Chemistry Chapter 7's note. Today's target, got to complete this two by today.

Afterwards about 6 o'clock, if the weather remain clear, I hope that my parents will take me and my doggie to the lake garden. Sunny day, good weather, good for outdoor activities.^^

Home alone now, but I have company, my doggie^^, but she is a sleeping beauty =.=

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Between you and me, is it compulsory that one of us must be positive and the other will be negative?

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Today's dinner, porrige+ham egg+fried fish+bean sprout.

As everyone know, fish has alot of bones. When I consume my fish, I didn't clear all the bones from the fish and just eat it. As the results, the bone poked into my mouth, it stuck in my mouth, between my gum and teeth I think.

Luckily, my mouth didn't bleed but still felt that pain. My mom scolded me too. Whatever, is all my fault, I'm the one who not being careful.

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Yeah!! Today in school, I reached my target, that is completed my yesterday's assignment that I took to school.

I treated myself badly when I ordered myself to complete that assignment in school. My friends is chatting happily before lesson starts and during recess too, but I force myself not to join them. I forced myself not to turn my head over during recess when they are chatting happily.

During BM period, Hyin told me that she and a gang of friends are chatting about mushrooms, but I replied her, today, I'm not really interested in what topic are you guys chatting. Why I reply her in such way? I'm sure that this is not the true answer, but why did I said that?

Giving too much pressure to myself? Maybe, maybe not. I'm just forcing myself to finish the assignment, didn't think much beside that. Never think that what I really want. I know I want to chat but not doing assignment, but I ordered myself not to do that.

During Sejarah period, Ms.Choy came in the class to complete the 101 card. Everyone is laughing about their own past. I'm laughing too, I know that. If not mistaken, I heard Ming said that I mood became better, right?

Thats the real me, smiling, laughing but not gloomy. Maybe due to the exam is just around the corner, I forced myself not to be myself. Crazy right? I feel I'm crazy too. Forcing myself be I what I don't like to be just because the exam is around the corner.

Ming, sorry that just now I raised my voice when I'm talking to you. Actually, thats what I want, friend acompany me, playing with me but I just ignore what I really want. Is this right for treating myself like that?

Is there anyone knows my really well? My parents? My siblings? It isn't any I think. Even myself also don't know what I really want, won't know what's wrong with me either.

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Dropped a few tears in the class today. Reason? A very nonsence reason. The reason is I got scared after listening ghost story told by Ms.Choy.

Actually I didn't mean to cry today, but after listenning that stories, I can't control myself, it just drop like that...

Silly girl right? Crazy girl right? Did anybody cried because of listenning ghost story? I think I'm the only want that act like this.

Shu Ting said that she afriad of ghost too, but she won't act like me although she's fear too. As I said, only I'm the one who act like that.

Hyin, you no need to blame yourself la, this is just my own problem, fear of ghost since small. No need to feel dissapointed to yourself. Thanks for your concern and accompany me...

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Sister just abroad her bus and when ahead to Singapore. Everything return normal.

During the period she came back, my daily activities had changed. Everything is done not as planned. But now, she's back to Singapore, is the time to let me back to normal.

Now as usual, start doing my homework, do revision, thingking nonsence and so on...

Okay, bath time then start complete all my assignment. After that, bed time...

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Sister is backed and she will reyurn to Singapore tomorrow night by bus. So, we had planned our menu for tonight's dinner, tomorrow's breakfast , lunch and dinner.

Today's lunch, we went to Flemingtion. This is the first time my sister went there. I think she love the scenery at the roof top too..^^

Tonight's dinner, after returning from Kati, we will take our lunch at Taiping Pizza Hut. Long time didn't concume pizza already..^^

Tomorrow's breakfast, I'm not going becuase I'm still schooling. My parents and sister will go to the restaurant that only cost RM2 per plate of food. Cheap and delicious, nice!!

Tomorrow's lunch, we planned to visit the restaurant 金玉满堂 (X-Lido restaurant). This is her first time eating there too...

Tomorrow's dinner, we planned to visit the train station roti canai shop, our favourite roti canai shop. We started eat the roti canai there since we are small.

Unfortunately, my sister wants to visit Sushi King but we don't have enough time. Next time la...^^

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During childhood, Mooncake Festival is really a enjoying season.

Few years back, my sister, my cousin and I will start playing candle in the night. But now, no more candles, no more lantern, no more light.

The only activities I will do during Mooncake Festival is, surffing net, watching television, play rubik's cube, do some notes and so on.

At first, my parents and I planned to visit the lake garden. My friends and I planned to meet there too. But at last, because of the rain, everyone went home, no more gathering.

The Mooncake Festival of this year, is meanningless. No round bright moon, didn't see any candles or lantern.

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Today, Ming, Hyin and I chat alot. Or maybe I have to say in this way, they talked alot, share alot of their experiences and I hear alot, talk less.

Love story, it is so lovely in the fairy tale but of course, not in this cruel world. But if you are lucky, you may find a good partner.

After hearing their conversation, I think I learnt alot. As I told them, I had learnt alot from you guys, just didn't own any experiences only. Haha ^^

After school, I went to SPBT room with Hyin. Thinking of helping her alittle with her SPBT work, but not for today. She can't do anything because she can't find her teacher.

Holding such high post, must be really stress, very tired. So, if anything I can help, call me la, although I'm not sure how much I manage to help you reduce your pressure.

Received a late wish from my old friend this morning in school. Although is abit too late, but anyway, thanks for your wish, thanks for remembering my birthday.

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